Sunday, May 12, 2013

A Letter to My Daughter

Today you are 6! Happy Birthday Stell-belle. Today you get your own "letter", inspired in part by this excerpt below from "Bossypants" by the very funny Tina Fey.

A Mother's Prayer for Her Child

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.
Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.
O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
-Tina Fey

I read this for the first time a long time ago and laughed with tears streaming down my face. I have 3 kids but only one daughter. I am the youngest of 3 girls and so girls are what I know best and at the same time are what I most fear:) What I have noticed about raising the one and only girl that she is not only special, she is aware of the honer she bestows onto us! I know, I know, she is only 6, but I'm sure I have had vivid flashes of her future preteen angst, most likely with details from my own past drama. I keep hearing things like "paybacks are hell" and "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" from those who had a hand in raising me. And now that I am so much "wiser"... I realize it will ultimately do me no good in helping her! 

So, I have written my own letter to my daughter. It's not so much for when she is a teen, most likely resenting me or for when she legally turns eighteen and feels like she's made it. I really don't have any idea when she might read it, and maybe it will be for me for awhile, but because I know she is her mother's daughter I will write her this letter in pictures. If she is at all like I am, she will see things more clearly in pictures- reading into it what she ultimately wants and not what I want her to. And she will invent stories that are much more colorful than what may be hiding in the boring truth. 

So here it is, a letter to my daughter, Stella. 
Pay attention, you will find many times in your life when you can always adjust your crown....

It's probably not true that "a birdie will come and land on that lip" but, my dear Stella, there will come a day that your face may freeze like that! Know that you always look prettier with a smile on your face and that laugh lines are more endearing than crows feet!

Your life is a canvas- use lots of color and don't be afraid to get your hands dirty making it the best it can be! If at first creation it isn't what you envisioned, paint over it. No one will notice what's hiding underneath but it just might serve as a good primer for your new color! Inspire, create and design your own unique life!

Trust in your old dad! A father's love for his daughter, and especially his only little girl, is surrounded by an overwhelming need to protect. There will be times you will see it as restrictive and unfair, but believe me, there is no one you will look to more for approval and love. Let him in so you can receive love more gracefully in your future relationships.

Be your own person. You don't need to compare yourself to others. Don't look so longingly at doors you feel will never open but walk ahead and open new doors. Be proud of who you are and supportive of others finding their own unique way.

Keep your dress down. Keep your dress down. Keep your dress down!! There was never a true lady who disclosed all her treasures too soon.

It's OK to show affection, to let your guard down and allow people in. Remember that everyone desires to be loved just as you will and you have to be willing to give love to receive it. 

I will probably regret saying this someday....but if you think blonde's have more fun, well, than give it a go! I have no misconceptions that you will test your boundaries and reinvent yourself time and time again. You should! As long as you are not changing what you know to represent your values, you will always be able to let lose and have fun. 

Confidence and self assurance can suppliment skill in many circumstances in life. You better believe that new shoes can make you run faster and that curling your eyelashes can mask a tired eye! Point being, there are a many tricks of the trade and you should use them all!

 Oh Sassafras... You have very many weapons up your dress sleeve. Use them sparingly and wisely. Do not over sass your welcome. Neither boy nor man can really take it in too large of dose and if you find one that can, there is no real victory in that. 

Ah there are many faces of "crazy". Take part in them all but make sure you balance them well. Too much of one can be lethal! 

This last one comes appropriately on Mother's Day...
You are Wonder Woman... believe it to be true. In your life you will play the part of Wonder Woman far more than you will a fairytale princess. You will balance work and family, be in two places at once, rock a baby seat with your teeth (Dana you know what I'm talking about here!) wipe more bottoms, faces, vomit and countertops than you will ever want to know:) Remember always to take time for yourself but also not to take for granted time with the ones you love. Find humor and meaning in everything you do so you never feel like its all for not. 

Stella appropriately meaning "star" rocks it in every way.
Happy Birthday Stella girl! You are my favorite daughter:)...wink wink, for dad, who has 3 favorite daughters who were are all certain they are his favorite!:) 

Happy Mothers Day to everyone!



  1. That was beautiful! Loved your post. My daughter is also 6 years old and she was a challenge ever since she was born. She is the most opinionated and head-strong person I have ever met and I'm scared to see what she will do as a teenager.
    Love your cute quiver lip photo and the talk-to-the-hand pic of her. LOL. And Tina Fey is hilarious. I'll probably be in trouble with tattoos with my daughter. She started drawing them on her princesses at age 3 and I had to convince her that they don't have tattoos. It's hard to stick to the anti-tattoo opinion when I have one myself and an aunt who is covered from head to toe in tattoos. Ugh!
    Your daughter is beautiful! Happy Birthday Stella!

    1. That is funny! I thought she was about the same age! It's fun to have a daughter! Even with the attitude! Tattoos are removable right?!? Haha! I have one too but only 1!!

  2. I love it! And it is reason #748 that I am glad I didn't have a girl! You kids are adorable!

    1. Haha! Yes they are more emotionally charged for sure! Thanks for reading:)

  3. Soooo sweet!! SHe is so lucky to have you! I hadn't read Tina Fey's letter....I got all teary eyed. Really enjoyed this post.

  4. Tina Fey was hilarious, but yours was beautiful!! Loved every word!!

  5. Thank you all for reading and commenting. I know it was a long one! Sometimes its just nice to do a post that is personal and I hope someday my kids can read through these and get a sense for what was going on in my life while they were little! It's fun to write them!


  6. Wow amazing letter to my daughter lovely web site.. i love my daughter.. so i like this web site.. i share about web site with my family and other mothers.. Thanks for sharing with us.. please visit on this link..

  7. It is one of the most important relation between daughter and mother. So i usually get details about this website. It is amazing or lovely website.I liked it very much. Thanks you for sharing,,for further details please visit on this link.


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