Thursday, October 17, 2013

36 Things I Know To Be Absolute Gospel

Yesterday I was only 35 but as of this morning I have 36 years of experience under my belt and so I thought I might reflect on what it is I think I know by now. After all, I am officially closer to 40 than 30 so I'm fairly certain I have it all figured out by now, right?!  All opinions are my own and so I use the term "Gospel" lightly :) 

#36.) I am fairly certain that calculus and finite have no importance in life and are hanging around as a scare tactic for young hopefuls.

#35.) Truth in jokes, truth in jokes, truth in jokes

#34.) Age cannot be reflected in a person's face. If you want a more accurate teller, look at the hands.

#33.) Someday they are gonna realize that skinny jeans really just made us look fat!

#32.) Marriage is work but it doesn't have to be hard work.

#31.) I wish I were as skinny as the first time I decided I was fat.

#30.) I have come to find late in my life that crying is not a sign of weakness, it is a symbol of life getting better.

#29.)  Winnie the Poo was a great philosopher. As a kid, I thought he was just a hungry bear who ate too much honey but now I know that you can only have a big gut and wise things to say when you've had too much wine! Therefore he must also have been a great wino!

#28.) There is no one who will be as loyal to you as your dog, maybe sad, but very true! Everyone should have a dog once in their lives.

#27.) Having a baby doesn't make you a mom. Tradition can propel us forward and can also hold us back. 

#26.)  Eyes are truly the window to the sole. If you can't look a person in the eyes you may never really know them.

#25.) Technology is the best and worst thing that will happen to our kids. There is hardly anything in life that we can hold accountable for both. 

#24.) There is no process more delicate than raising a daughter.

#23.) I do believe in the "super-germ" and therefore welcome a healthy amount of dirtiness. 

#22.) There is no life worth living than a life with too many restrictions. By the time we are dead we will realize that we left one thing off our restrictions list that happen to kill us!

#21.) Mind over matter. I think they sometimes call this mind fuc#$ing... either way, it comes in handy.

#20.) Big hands, big feet....

#19.) Blonde's do have more fun so if you haven't been a blonde you should try it!

#18.) The biggest sin is saying that it couldn't happen to you.

#17.) The smaller my chest the closer you are to my heart.

#16.) Being spoiled has little to do with what you are used to having and more to do with what you continue to ask for.

#15.) I have never wanted anything as bad as I have wanted my kids to feel success.

#14.) What if we knew that what we will be remembered for in life had nothing to do with what we worked so hard to accomplish for ourselves.

#13.) It is no disservice to our kids to show them we have our own selfish needs.

#12.) Experiences, good and bad, are what keep life interesting and full

#11.) Sometimes it's better to be confident in your wrongness than feel like you are settling to be right

#10.) Pretending like I know what I am doing has proven successful in many of life's situations. 

#9.) Everyone is the same in one way, we all desire to be validated.

#8.) Carbs are not going to make you fat. Eating too much makes you fat! Do we have to keep talking about the skinny French women again?! 

#7.) Absence makes the heart grow fonder. You need a break from the people you love and this includes your children but more than anything, your children need a break from you! Don't flatter yourself! 

#6.) You can't mold anyone into what you want them to be. But you can always drive them crazy enough to break them down and ultimately get your way:)

#5.) Find one small thing that makes you happy and find time to do it everyday. 

#4.) Patience is a virtue... for slow people, that is! 

#3.) If you over think things, you're still alive...I never will consider that to be a fault. 

#2.) Age is a state of mind and nothing that a good present can't fix!

#1.) Write things down so your grandkids remember you as a person who lived life like they do, with sarcasm and joy, love and pain, disappointment and celebration. And also so that someone has some content for your funeral!

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Cheers! {Laura}


  1. Oh I love you! LOL Happy Birthday and this was totally great. You are like a guru...a wise woman :) Love the "I wish I were as skinny as the first time I decided I was fat" Winnie the wino and the truth about the french women.
    (I do disagree with one thing. Not everyone should own a dog, or lets say not everyone deserves to own a dog. I just found out that a person in our neighborhood starved their dog to death which just upsets me so so much. I could go on and on upsetting)

    1. Julia, for some reason my reply to you showed up as a normal reply... anyway, I wanted to make sure you knew I replied:) Have a good one!!

  2. Oh how this list made my morning! I think that I can relate to Happy happy birthday to you and may this year be the best one yet! xo

    1. Thanks Mallory! I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the birthday wishes!!

  3. Thanks Julia! Well I'm not sure they will write a book about me but it was fun anyway:) That really is disturbing about the dog in your neighborhood!! You should work with animals! You have such a big heart for them and I will revise it to say that every dog deserves a a human who appreciates that they are the most loyal of loyals:)!! :) Have a good one!!

  4. Happy Birthday, Laura! I enjoyed reading your list so much. You are a very wise woman. I want to print this out and frame it for myself.

  5. Happiest of Birthdays!! This was such a great list! And I agree with all of them and really love the skinny jeans one! I have many pairs and am still not 100%....and the low waisted thing too....everyone's belly is hanging out....You should do a post on each delve deeper. SO much food for thought.

    1. Thanks Albertina:) I feel the same way! I remember thinking that they would go away after one season and they have stood the test of time so of course I have many pairs:) I do prefer the straight leg to the skinny though! Thats the old lady in me talking:)!!

  6. Happy belated birthday, Laura! It was fun reading your list, I agree with most of them. I do need to write things down, at least they would serve as a reminder later on. Enjoy the rest of your week!


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